The Ballard Bunch

Blasted DVR! I can’t believe I was forced to wait so long to watch this week’s episode.

It was awesome!
And by awesome I mean totally and utterly disturbing.

First Up: Bachelor Look-a-LikesBecause there are so many bachelor-specific issues to address after watching this episode, I’m just going to talk about each of the guys separately. Here goes…

Ed {Man Show}
Really, I hadn’t given him much thought before this episode. I like him. He’s sweet, understated, drama-free in ’03. I liked that even though he was freaked out, he took chances. But seriously, could that rappel line go any slower? I wasn’t nervous that something would happen to either one of them; I just hoped they’d make it down the line before dinner was served! I also love that he’s brave enough to rock the almost-speedo. {Did anyone else catch that in the segment just after the next week preview at the end?}. He may just be the black horse here… I likey.

Juan {Ponce de Leon}
{ugh} I just can’t stand this guy. Maybe it’s because I’m not one to fall for cheese, but he’s so over the top it’s not even funny. He’s trying way too hard. And, I suspect {and you’re free to disagree} that he’s maybe a little more into boys than girls. Not necessarily anyone in the house, but I’m just getting a little bit of a vibe with this one. As I watch more I’m sure I’ll have more examples to share, but just remember that I said that. More to come, I’m sure. He did tell her she looked “marvelous” en Español, though. Do straight guys say marvelous? Just wondering.

Brad {Tonsil Hockey}
Most awkward kiss ever. That was so weird and lame! I don’t even know what to say about it. But he sure did. I absolutely loved the editing of him describing this amazing kiss and then footage showing the complete opposite. The cherry on top? Buh-bye “drifter”. No rose.

Sasha {City Bus}
I was surprised that she let him go! I really thought she’d have kept him around sooner, but I guess she needed to save roses for the psychos and someone had to go. I just felt like the show went to a new level of tacky on this date. Take the guy who almost died in a car accident on a car themed date? Street racing in the middle of L.A.? That’s smart. Oh! I have the best idea! Want to totally humiliate him as he’s sent packing? Put him on a city bus.

Wes {“Love Don’t Come Easy”}
He totally has a GF! The more I see him, the more I’m convinced. And did you see how weird he was when they kissed? He went through the motions, I’ll give him that much. But that’s where it ended. It totally looked like he was quick and trying to pull away and looked like he was scared about getting in trouble after. Trust me, if you recorded it and don’t know what I’m talking about, watch it again. Something shady in the neighborhood. Shady with a song.

Robby {Rozmo}
That was pretty impressive. He really did take the bull by the horns w/ the lame acting challenge. But the spinning was too much. D-I-Z-Z-Y. I really don’t see him being a final contender, but he had a good episode all in all.

Not sure who to save for last, ladies. I mean, we have some serious nut jobs in the mix this year. And two for totally, TOTALLY different reasons.

Tanner P {Toe Sucker}
One point {and this is only because I can appreciate funniness in all forms} for his comment about his outfit on the group date. It so totally was “Flintstones”. I laughed every time he was on camera because of is. Strike that. I laugh every time he’s on camera period. I could not get over the many “confessional-type” clips of him talking about all the things he wanted to do to Jillian’s toes. Suck, lick, bite, nibble, pluck {he said that! Sick, huh?}. The guy is so strange and I can’t believe that we haven’t seen more footage of him being razzed 24/7 by the other guys because of it. I just pray to the reality tv gods that he doesn’t last more than next episode. Jillian is slowly slipping down the coolness scale for me by keeping this one around.

David {Roid Rage}
Simmer. Down. Now. He’s loco, folks. Honestly, he scares me. And he looks like The Rock, so I’m already turned off {sorry Kimm and Tanya – haha}. But really, though. If that’s not a sign of relationship issues to come, I don’t know what is. What happens when “Jilly” burns the toast or forgets to pick up his dry cleaning? I wish there were a way for the Bachelorette to watch secret footage of the guys in the house or something. I really think her choices would change quite a bit. He bothers me so much that I won’t even try to defend his motives when it concerns Juan {even though I do side with his opinion of the guy}. He needs some help. The kind that involves lying on a couch looking at a Freud poster. And possibly a straight jacket and a restraining order.

I guess that’s it. This was by far the most entertaining of episodes this season. But I’m still left more and more disappointed in our girl Jill. I’ve got hopes still that she’ll redeem herself soon. And I’m sure her choices aren’t all entirely her own either. Some of the people left do make for good TV, so I’m left to wonder if there is some dishonesty at play in the Bachelor/Bachelorette production offices. Just saying.